no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
