So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
