I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You dont lie about slip and slides
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
