2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
