And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
