I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
