Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
