he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
