he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
