Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
