i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
