if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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