ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
