I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
