I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
