if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
