It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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