fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
