I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize