you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
