i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
