I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
