I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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