Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You ate ashes out of my bong
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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