i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
