it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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