Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
