Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
