Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
