Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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