A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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