she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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