we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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