You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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