She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
