I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
