What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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