it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
