Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
