every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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