i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I want a musical about memes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
