I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
