at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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