My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
