Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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