somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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