don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
