he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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