Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
