You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize