Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your penis caused this!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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