I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
