I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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