My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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