she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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