is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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