I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
