some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
