Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
