Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize