I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
