I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
