how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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