Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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