I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
