Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
