I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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