It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
