I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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