my phone needs a breathalizer
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
