I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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