I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
