i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
