On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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