I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
